A Love Letter to My Painfully Average Self

Dear me,

It must be quite difficult writing this for yourself. Post-college life has just been a series of one challenging experience after another. Believe me, I get it, especially when society dictates that you’ve got to get a job so as to not “waste” your degree and remain a productive and “useful” member of society. Though honestly an irrational way of thinking, I know that the pressure is difficult to escape.

You’re probably already aware that many people around the same age go through the ringer as well: the fixing of resumes to tailor fit the particular position they’re applying for, the anxiety of getting an email, the frustration of not getting a reply. These are things you probably could have never predicted yourself going through in the past when life was wake up, study, maybe drink, sleep, rinse, and repeat. When you sit down and really think about how your parents must have gone through a similar experience, it probably humbles you. Back when emailing wasn’t a thing yet, they’d have to physically print out their resumes and send them to the companies themselves.

Though everyone goes through rejection at some point in their lives, whether in the professional setting or elsewhere, the thought itself doesn’t make the actual rejection any easier. Looking for another job after your previous experience must be tiring, knowing that what exactly you want doesn’t seem to be readily available and is probably quite niche. It must also be tiring getting rejection after rejection, and the thought of being painfully average lingers in your already heavily preoccupied mind.

I get it, me, I really do.

It must have been painful, these past few months, sending email after email without a response. To the ones that responded, you must have felt relieved, overjoyed even. But this didn’t last long did it? You must have thought to yourself, “Surely, this test couldn’t be THAT hard?”, only to find out that it actually was hard and that you didn’t even finish it. On top of all of that, you didn’t even get accepted. That must have been real tough buddy, and I’ll say it again: trust me, I get it.

It doesn’t stop there though, does it? You probably recalled your days as a fresh high school grad looking out into the world with the brightest of eyes, hoping to pass any one of the different college entrance exams that the nation had to offer. As luck would have it, you did pass those exams, and even passed the UPCAT. A wondrous feat, to be sure! Though the experiences to come would test your self-esteem and self-confidence.

You then remember the time you took Physics 10 in your freshie year. Typical GE to be fair while being the typical freshie: never late to class, never cut, actually raised his hand to answer questions, etc. You would then befriend a couple of BA students who would do the exact opposite. Though not indicative of their character in any which way, surely, you thought to yourself, that your grades would probably end up higher than theirs at least!

Again, it was not to be.

A peek at your score would relieve you. A passing grade! Rejoice! But a inquiry into theirs would only serve to make you feel incredibly dumb: 90%+? Wack as heck, but that wasn’t the worst part was it? The worst part was the thought of having put in so much effort only to end up with minimal output.

Perhaps your latter days of college would be much better, as the thought of being able to adapt to the college grind would eventually get easier. But getting turned down by the internships you applied for whilst batchmates and even younger coursemates would score maybe 3 or more of them isn’t a very enjoyable experience. Yet, despite all this, the pressure remains. The comparison of oneself to others who are seemingly more successful in their lives seems to never end, and that anxiety and almost despair of not knowing what’s to come or what you’re going to be doing in the next five years is crazy overwhelming.

But the thing is, that’s perfectly okay.

It may comfort you a little bit in knowing that you’re most likely not alone in this feeling. The you from the future (which is me! But that’s also you… but no matter) has personally confirmed, after conversing with a wonderful friend over an exhilarating session of Don’t Starve Together. I daresay that this feeling is what the majority of twenty-something year-olds in this day and age are experiencing. To an extent, this is the average, so I guess when it’s all said and done, being “painfully average” is alright.

Perhaps at the time of this writing, you’ve already come to terms with just how average you are. You’re probably even having a little chuckle at yourself, thinking back to how stressed you were over the thought. You’ve probably remembered that you’re literally only twenty three years-young, and that there is plenty of time left to better yourself.

Maybe you’re also realizing that although these rejections did sting, they’ve only aided in your growth and resilience as a person, at least when it comes to job hunting (though this phase of your life, unfortunately, looks to be something that may last years).

The time you take in between jobs is just as important as the time you spend at them.

You probably already know this, but you’ve learned a whole lot about yourself in the time you’ve spent either taking a break from it all or looking for your next job. This period has already helped you in so many ways, and it has helped you narrow down your options so that the next job is something more enjoyable and more aligned with what you want, so don’t sweat it!

Remember too that though you see yourself as “painfully” average, many others do not. Your parents, for starters, believe that you can go the extra mile. I’d trust them, if I were you — they know you a lot better than you realize. Your friends believe in you too, just as much as you believe in them. They support you in any and all your endeavors, and would only like to see you succeed. Remember to always do the same for them, whether or not they make you feel any more average than you think you are. And lastly, remember to give yourself a little more love more often. You’re doing the best you can, and I’m sure it’ll pay off eventually.

Take it easy man, and keep it fresh always.

Yours truly,

Me.